Earlier this week, I wrote about participating in the writing community by helping others. But there is a darker side to these connections, and that’s the ugly green monster that often rears its misshapen head when good things happen to other people.
I admit I’ve occasionally had feelings of jealousy towards other writers, but most of the time I’m pretty Zen about it. That’s because I’m in a place where I’ve had plenty of success stories (and hope to have many more) and know that there are plenty of words and bylines to go around.
In fact, most of the time when an essay blows me away or I get goose bumps from someone’s narrative style, it actually challenges me to write with more passion, clarity, or vitality.
How do you deal with jealous or resentment? Have you found a way to use those feelings to fuel your own writing?
For me it's not so much about jealousy or envy, it's about association. I realize that there are so many wirters out there, but no matter how good a writer is, it's when they connect with you that makes the difference. I believe that we can only write about when we feel, what we know, what we question or expereince that will truly touch another. It seems that you have touched me as I had to comment.
@One Woman's Thoughts: I'm glad my post touched you. Thanks for commenting! I agree that connecting with other writers can also inspire us.
Great thought-provoking question, Susan. I admit, I do sometimes deal with jealousy. But most often I try to use it to fuel my own career, and even my life. For instance, when I know other writers are making a living just through their writing, it's inspiring. Or, if I'm checking out their website, it gives me ideas for my own business that I may not have thought of (markets, story topics, services, etc). So I think it's all in how you channel those feelings. Jealousy *can* be a good thing.
I actually wrote about the topic of writer jealousy on The Nervous Breakdown the other day. The answer for me is–you can't. All you can do is recognize the source of your jealousy in yourself, and realize that you have likely had successes in life that other people would be jealous of.
I used to get a little envious at times. Back then, I was trying to eek out a living by doing online writing gigs – an article here, and promotional piece there. It seemed I just couldn't write fast enough to make any real money.
But, that's all in the past now and I often find the tables have turned and others are envious of me! But really, they can do the same thing I did. I just took those articles, put them between two covers, and started selling them over and over again in the form of a booklet, rather than having to write new articles all the time.
When you're creative, you find creative ways to do what you want to do!
Great post!
I've definitely felt envious – but I'm very vocal and open when I am envious. I think that takes the edge off it for me. And frankly, envy is a compliment to the other person.
Jealousy, to me, is a wasted emotion. I have a friend who is very jealous. To me, that's insecurity dripping out in globs. I think you, Susan, couldn't be jealous if you tried. Envious? Hell yes. That's everyone!
When I feel envious, I just come out with it. To me, it's better to say "I'm dying of envy over here!" than to hold in those feelings and let them turn into something ugly.
When someone is envious of me, I feel complimented and I try having fun with it with the person. When they're jealous, I feel they have issues that only a damned good therapist can touch. Then again, I'm speaking from the experience of being in direct company of someone whose jealousy comes out in nasty remarks and put downs. That's never cool!
Yes, those feelings can kick up your game. I've improved because my envy drove me to try harder. It's a gift sometimes. I want to emulate someone's success, so I put more effort into it.
I'm with you, Susan. I feel a twinge now and then when I see what amazing things freelancers are doing. But if anything, it makes me work harder so I can get a few amazing opportunities of my own!
I worked with another writer a few years back at a web site, and after we became friends, he told me he had hated me for years before we met, even though he didn't know me. I was shocked! Turns out my byline was regularly appearing in magazines he wanted to write for, and he was envious and had even created this picture of me in his mind as this spoiled little princess. How funny is that?
Thanks to everyone who weighed in!
@Cat Sitter in the City: That's funny! Reminds me of an incident with one of my closest college friends. I knew her freshman year, but we didn't become friends until sophomore year. Years later, she told me that the reason I didn't have many female friends in the dorm that year was because the dreamy guy that every girl had a crush on had spread this rumor that we were hooking up (we were actually studying together and trying to survive astronomy). Apparently all these girls just assumed it was true and avoided me out of jealousy. Now that we've been friends for years, we can have a good laugh about it!
Quite honestly, I do tend to feel jealous towards those who get recognized for their impressive writing and storytelling skills. However, I do my best to feel happy for those people and strive to stay motivated about my own writing and keep the vision of myself being recognized one day in mind.
~TRA
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